The Characteristics of Showing Love Love Defined: Agape Agape (Gk. a??p? [a'?a.pi]), is one of several Greek words translated into English as love. The word has been used in different ways by a variety of contemporary and ancient sources, including Biblical authors. Many have thought that this word represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. The term 'agape' is rarely used in ancient manuscripts, but was used by the early Christians to refer to the self-sacrificing love of God for humanity, which they were committed to reciprocating and practicing towards God and among one another.
Affection
Affection (storge, st????) is fondness through familiarity, especially between family members or people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance. It is described as the most natural, emotive, and widely diffused of loves: natural in that it is present without coercion; emotive because it is the result of fondness due to familiarity; and most widely diffused because it pays the least attention to those characteristics deemed "valuable" or worthy of love and, as a result, is able to transcend most discriminating factors. Ironically, its strength, however, is what makes it vulnerable. Affection has the appearance of being "built-in" or "ready made", says Lewis, and as a result people come to expect, even to demand, its presence--irrespective of their behavior and its natural consequences.
Friendship
Friendship (philia, f???a) is a strong bond existing between people who share a common interest or activity. Lewis explicitly says that his definition of friendship is narrower than mere companionship: friendship in his sense only exists if there is something for the friendship to be "about". It is the least natural of loves, states Lewis; i.e., it is not biologically necessary to progeny like either affection (e.g., rearing a child), eros (e.g., creating a child), or charity (e.g., providing for a child). It has the least association with impulse or emotion. In spite of these characteristics, it was the belief of the ancients, (and Lewis himself), that it was the most admirable of loves because it looked not at the beloved (like eros), but towards that "about"--that thing because of which the relationship was formed. This freed the participants in this friendship from self-consciousness. Because the more they were looking towards something beyond or above themselves, the more those who were looking towards that thing with them were welcomed with the same sincerity, which freed the relationship from jealousy. And although the love may not be biologically necessary, it has, argued Lewis, civilization value. The thing beyond or above themselves may be of monumental importance to society. But without the benefit of friendship to blunt the loneliness of "being the only person who sees this", or the idea that two heads are better than one, many advances in society may never have been embarked upon. The relationship is by its nature selective, and therefore, exclusive. This characteristic is not detrimental per se, but the idea or goal towards which friends strive need not be altruistic. The innocuous ideas may simply be the cause of pseudo-aristocracies that ignore the legitimate cries of those outside their group; the malefic ones may be quite worse.Love compared in 2 John 1 and 3 John 1
Concerning this lady and her children, John writes of...
a. His love for them: "whom I love in truth" (that is, whom
he truly loves)
b. The love held for them by others who are Christians ("those
who have known the truth")
The basis for this love?
a. Not for any personal charm or unusual attractiveness
b. But because of "the truth which abides in us"
1) This "truth" may summarize all that is contained in
Jesus Christ and His gospel
2) Sharing in this "truth" naturally engenders love for one
another
3) Especially the sort of "true love" or "sincere love"
made possible by our obedience to the truth - cf. 1 Pe
1:22-23
. Concerning this lady and her children, John writes of...
a. His love for them: "whom I love in truth" (that is, whom
he truly loves)
b. The love held for them by others who are Christians ("those
who have known the truth")
The basis for this love?
a. Not for any personal charm or unusual attractiveness
b. But because of "the truth which abides in us"
1) This "truth" may summarize all that is contained in
Jesus Christ and His gospel
2) Sharing in this "truth" naturally engenders love for one
another
3) Especially the sort of "true love" or "sincere love"
made possible by our obedience to the truth - cf. 1 Pe
1:22-23
LITTLE CHILDREN John was an old man when these epistles were written and he used the term “little children” to show his readers love and concern. The recipients were much younger than John in age and the faith and so he addressed them as children. It is a caring father image that John portrays. WAYS WE DEMONSTRATE LOVE TODAY Spiritually Helping weak to grow Teaching those who are babies or needing encouragement Rebuking one to shave his soul Showing love by example Accepting correction when needed Physically Providing aid when needed in a financial or other physical way Giving up one’s own desires to help another Walk the walk and talk the talk Show forgiveness and lack malice in one’s life By not growing weary in doing good, Gal. 6:9
wvclary@sbcglobal.net August 2010
HOW TO STAY HAPPILY MARRIED
William V. Clary
A little over 44 years ago this author and his wife exchanged vows and left a Michigan church building as husband and wife. This union, as well as many others, has had many wonderful times and yet minor problems have arisen. How can one stay happily married in such stressful times such as these?
Paul, writing by inspiration, stated in Eph. 5:22-25 the requirements of how husbands and wives need to treat each other to make their marriages last and become even more loving as the days go by. This passage is a sort of “checks and balances.” If the husband loves his wife enough to die for her as our Lord did for the church, then she will submit to his leadership and follow him anywhere knowing that he has her best interests at heart at all times. Neither mate is trying to win, but intent on serving the other as together they serve the Lord. This is what makes a godly marriage different than one of the world.
In our country almost one-half of all new marriages are ending in divorce. Sadly the statistics are not much better for those in the Lord’s church. What causes such problems and how can they be overcome? Far too often we begin to teach people about marriage as we begin premarital counseling. Perhaps we should start teaching our children about marriage as they begin junior high school and repeat the theme often.
It is the view of this author that sin is the root of all problems and selfishness is the primary sin. We want our way and we will have our agenda met regardless of the costs and frequently this will mean a separation of the couple or termination of the marriage. Marriage is not a 60%-40% give-and-take-relationship; it is a 100% giving.
As Christians, it is important to reread passages such as Gal. 2:20, Matt. 6:33; Matt. 7:21-27, etc. These passages clearly teach the need to let Christ take control of our lives, to look to him for guidance and to develop a faith that places complete hope and trust in him.
Some suggestions of how to be happily married are as follows. While not an exhaustive list, it is comprehensive enough to be helpful.
First, make sure that you honor the commitment made at the time of the wedding. For better or worse means exactly that. It might get worse instead of better. What if one of the two has an accident or suffers some debilitating disease? Is this a reason to terminate the marriage because God wants the other to be happy? Matt. 19:9 clearly answers the question. If we understand that marriage is for life and only immorality can end it, other than death itself, then we will never question the need to remain with our mate. Please be aware that immorality does not have to end a marriage if the love and trust can be reestablished.
Second, marry someone who will help you to get to heaven. When the young men who married our daughters called asking for permission to marry them, my response to both was the same. “If you will promise to help our daughter to get to heaven and not hinder her spiritual growth, then we approve. If not, then we ask that you keep looking for another mate.” Don’t just marry a Christian, marry a strong Christian! Not everyone who has their name on the church roll has their name in the Lamb’s book of life!
Third, realize that differences and even strong disagreements can and will arise. This writer has never met a couple who had been married longer than the “honeymoon” that did not have some sort of disagreement. He asks all prospective husbands and wives this question: If you cannot agree on a matter that is extremely important to you, what will you do? The answer sought is that counseling will be sought to resolve this issue to keep the marriage intact. If an allusion is made to terminating the marriage, this writer will not perform the wedding. Please consider the message of Paul in Eph. 4:29-32 and apply this principle to marriage and disagreements. We can disagree and remain firm in our views and still be happy if we put our relationship with God and our mate above our own desires.
Fourth, plan to never violate God’s teachings regarding morality. If we remain pure and faithful to our mates, we will never fear diseases that are sexually transmittable. We can avoid temptation associated with immorality and we will miss much anguish and pain. Joseph avoided this temptation by quickly leaving the house of Potiphar, Gen. 39:10-13. Paul tells us clearly that God will provide a way of escape from every temptation if we want to avoid such, 1 Cor. 10:13. There may be times we have to change our forms of recreation or developing strong friendships to avoid temptation. Temptation can be defined positively as an opportunity not to sin!
Finally, although many more reasons could be given, society and the church benefit greatly from those happily married. The leaders in the Lord’s church have to be good mates, good fathers, well respected and good examples. Would you want to go to an elder for advice regarding marriage who was in the middle of a troubled marriage himself? Society is better when happy families are found as the environment at work, school, in recreation and other places is pleasing and attractive rather than a place of conflict. Children from homes where the parents are happily married are more stable, more secure and have a more positive outlook toward life, too.
If you are married or planning to be married soon, never give up spending time with your mate. We tend to spend much time and funds to woo a person to become our mate and then often ignore them afterwards. Taking time to be alone with your mate will keep your marriage focused, happy and honorable. The ones around you will notice the commitment and your example will be a great teaching to them. Imitation is good as long as the proper matters are imitated. Paul told Timothy to imitate him but only as he imitated Christ. Make sure your children see Christ in your marriage and that he is the head of your house.
Our Lord taught much about marriage and, in fact, performed his first miracle at a marriage feast, John 2:1-11. Jesus understood the needs of most men and women and that marriage was desirable for them. Others in the New Testament taught the same message of our Lord as they wrote by inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Paul indicated this in 1 Cor. 7:1-7, and the Hebrew writer did the same in Heb. 13:4.
Marriage is not for the faint of heart, but it can be the best thing this side of salvation for those who are committed. Give your life and marriage to God and you will be happily living from this day forward.
Bill Clary April 21010
10 TIPS FOR REARING CHILDREN
Almost all couples want to be good parents to their children and want their children to have a better life than their parents. Below are some suggestions that may be of help in rearing children. First, put parenting first. This means parenting must be above work, play, hobbies, etc. If we invest our time wisely life can be enjoyed in all aspects. Second, review how you spend the hours and days of your week. What are the main activities in your live and how doe they compare to the time spent with children? If changes need to be made to one schedule the time to make the change is now. Third, be a good example. The statement of do as I say and not as I do, will not be acceptable to your children. Remember actions speak louder than words. Fourth, develop an ear and an eye for what your children are absorbing. Children are like sponges. Be careful of the television shows, songs, internet, books, etc. that may not be suitable for their viewing. Check your child’s behavior patterns resulting from such things. Fifth, use the language of character. Strong terms of right and wrong must be stated. Children need to develop a moral compass and need to hear in clear language what is necessary to be a good citizen of the home and community. Sixth, punish with a loving heart. While punishment is necessary at times, make sure you do not “overdraw your love account” and mistreat your child. Seventh, listen to your children. Take time to hear them and listen to their problems and suggestions. Little matters to us may be of great importance to them in their lives. Eighth, get deeply involved in your child’s school life. When school starts a parent takes a secondary role with regard to time. Help the child with his/her homework, but don’t do the work. Know what they are learning and see how you can help the teacher accomplish the goals. Ninth, make a major place for the family meal. Many homes have become “rest stops” and families do not eat together very often anymore. Make one meal per day mandatory where all eat together. Tenth, do not reduce character education to words alone. Virtue comes through practice. Self-discipline, good work habits, kindness, consideration, being honest and farness are necessary in a child’s life. Teach them to say “No” to wrong choices. I hope these suggestions have been helpful to you. Call 585-1803 if we can further assist you. You are loved, Bill Clary, EvangelistLakeside Church of Christ March 2010
WHY DO I NEED TO ATTEND CHURCH SERVICES?
Q: Why do I need to attend church services when I can worship God at home?
Many people in our society state that they believe in Jesus, but do not want to be a part of organized religion. They want a relationship with Christ but not with a church.
It is clear that organized religion and the church are not necessarily the same. One can be a member of the church and only follow the Bible. There are no headquarters for the Lord’s church other than heaven. Each congregation is autonomous (self-governing) and so no organization is found beyond the local body.
The Bible is filled with admonitions regarding attendance and faithfulness to God. The Hebrew writer tells the audience not to forsake the assembling together as is the custom or manner of some (Hebrews10:25). It is when Christians gather with each other that they jointly worship God and are edified or fed. This corporate action cannot be met by remaining at home or worshiping in a field, by a stream or on a mountain.
The writer of Hebrews tells the audience that we need to encourage one another to love and good works. This is done by being positive and affirming the worth of each person. The Lakeside Church of Christ works very, very hard with regard to this teaching.
When we attend services it tells others of our commitment to God. It tells others that we love them and look forward to being with them and give us an opportunity to encourage and be encouraged. Attending services is not a work, but a blessing. God is the spectator and each of us are participants. This is why all at Lakeside sing together, pray together, partake of the Lord’s Supper together, give together and listen to His word together.
In Christian love,
Bill Clary, Minister
Lakeside Church of Christ February 2010
YOU “U” ARE IMPORTANT!
Have you ever considered the fact that God made you and that He does not make mistakes. We commit mistakes and sin, but we are not a mistake. If we approach life with regard to this attitude it will be much more meaningful for us.
You are important to God and His church. Consider the value of one in the church of our Lord. The letter “U” will indicate the need for each person to be involved.
“U” are needed in Bible st_dy to make it as helpful as possible. If each of us comes and contributes comments and insights we will all grow and benefit.
“U” are needed in _nity as we should not have any division among us. If each of us strives for unity we will be pleasing to God and His word.
“U” are needed in d_ty as all of us are responsible to make the world a better place and live in such a way that God is glorified.
“U” are needed in b_ilding as we must encourage and lift each other up and not tear down the accomplishments of others. If each of us becomes an encourager we will see far more growth and good done.
“U” are need in ch_rch and without “U” we cannot be complete. This is the loving message of the Lakeside church of Christ. Come and be a part of us. If we can answer any questions or assist you in any way, please call 217-585-1803 217-585-1803 or email us at lakesidechurch@att.net.
You are loved,
Bill Clary, Minister February 2010
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